Zach and I dreamed together, that is. It’s one of our favourite pastimes. We get a drink––tea or wine––cosy up in the living room, and think of what our future could look like. We make plans: books we’ll write, businesses we’ll start, people we’ll meet, projects we’ll take on, how we’ll live our empty nest years, etc etc etc. And this evening’s dream topic of choice was our final year in Oxford.

As Halloween approaches, I’m thinking quite a bit about what it means to be a parent in the scary things of life. Grace is determined to terrify herself this spooky season, and I am determined to protect her little mind. “I’m not scared, mummy! I like scary things!” whines the little girl who has me check for monsters every night. The same little girl who came downstairs tonight telling me her brother’s snores were scaring her.

What a beautiful thing to have a life filled with so many twists and turns, laughter and tears, and to be sitting peacefully in such a vibrant place.

Life—the one thing that is important to us all, looms large in our minds. Quality of life, scope of life, viability of life. We all want to live, or our desire to escape makes us wish that we didn’t. But ultimately, life is central in our minds.

I didn’t want this. I did not want this. I didn’t want the exhaustion, the nausea, the changes to my form. But mostly, I didn’t want another child.

Another respite wasted coveting the lives and beauty of strangers.

It always happens so quickly.