Life

I spent the majority of my life living in the black and white. It was easier then, the world had a very clear “good” and an even clearer “bad.” Thinking back to younger days, I cringe at some of my more intense opinions, and my tendency to (outwardly) judge my friends for their choices. I couldn’t fathom why someone would do “sinful” things like drinking or swearing. Of course, these days, not only do I drink AND swear (the horror, I know), but I also find that walking through the world requires a lot more nuance, and a hell of a lot more living in the gray. 

Roe vs. Wade was overturned. 

I first saw the news break on Instagram between images of friends and videos of cake decorating. We knew it was coming, so I wasn’t surprised. But I was surprisingly numb, closed off to emotions that might threaten to escape. It didn’t take long for the stories and posts, filled with either outrage or celebration, to appear. Even then, I felt nothing. Only a few years ago I would have celebrated along with other conservatives, but I am a different person today.

As more celebration began to come through, my numbness shifted to dread. And anger. This is not the black and white issue that either side wants it to be. This isn’t just about babies. This isn’t just about pregnancy. This isn’t just about women or men. Every part of the equation matters. 

Life—the one thing that is important to us all, looms large in our minds. Quality of life, scope of life, viability of life. We all want to live, or our desire to escape makes us wish that we didn’t. But ultimately, life is central in our minds. It was the main thing on our minds when we heard the SCOTUS decision. Life of the mother. Life of the baby. Life of the woman. 

These babies—these innocent, vulnerable, growing babies, with hearts beating at six weeks —are completely at the mercy of the women whose wombs they inhabit. Do they not deserve a full life? Do they not deserve a chance to live?

Pregnancy and motherhood are fraught with unique challenges—loss of work, loss of friendships, uncomfortable sickness, drastic physical changes, judgement if the pregnancy is not deemed “appropriate.” Women have spent years fighting to be equal in the world. But the moment she becomes pregnant she can be transformed into a weak creature to be pitied. 

This is a complex issue.

In the couple of weeks since Dobbs, I have tried to sift through my thoughts. Being raised in the church, I felt pressure to be excited. I do care about babies. But I can’t get past the women. Why do I cry whenever I think about some of the “Christian” responses I have seen? Frustration wells up until I can’t handle it, and tears are all I have. 

The system is broken. The culture is broken. Abortion is a symptom of a deeper issue. It is not [just] about babies. Among other things, it is about a lack of affordable health care, almost no affordable childcare, hardly any parental leave. And beneath it all, there is the subtle shift in our collective perception of a pregnant woman. I fall into the same bias, despite my desire not to. But too often, strong, driven, capable women who become pregnant are viewed differently. Her personhood, all that makes her unique—hopes, dreams, goals, ideas—become obscured beneath her pregnant state. She is seen as pregnant first, human second. A mere (sometimes valued!) vessel of life.

Think of all the women who feel they must leave their family life “at home” if they are to do anything of “significance” in the world. Think of the women who must constantly work, hardly seeing their child, to provide the necessities of food and shelter. Think of the women (like so many during these last couple of years) who have to step away from a career they have built because childcare is too expensive. The United States does not have the social systems in place to support women or families.

There is a systemic issue when it comes to babies. Groups advocate for the unborn, but not for change to adoption or social systems that should support children and their families. Companies advocate for “choice” by paying for travel and medical costs, but don’t always provide parental leave should the choice be to keep the child. Women are shamed for an unwillingness to be forced into the “consequences of their actions,” but with no outward display of “consequences,” there is no parallel cultural or social expectation for men.

This is not as straightforward as we wish it could be. If we care about life, shouldn’t we care about the entirety of life? If we care about choice, shouldn’t we create a system that supports every choice? If we care about women, I would hope we could work towards a society that views a woman as strong and capable in every stage—badass corporate woman, badass mother, and anything in between. 

Overturning Roe may end up preventing abortions, but the reality is that it is only masking a symptom of a greater issue, one that cannot be solved by either forbidding or enabling abortion. Let’s advocate for social policies that support families and work on our perceptions of what a woman is worth.

In the weeks since the SCOTUS decision, there have been countless podcasts and articles released. While most of them were interesting, and many of them were helpful, I found the Church Politics Podcast to best articulate how I’ve been feeling : 

“We’re asking the wrong questions of pro-choice people. I think we need to begin with the question of why is it that these women seek abortions, and address that issue. Address those issues very specifically. When we hear pro-choice we hear different things without understanding the context around why one person makes a choice over another. I think it’s important for us as a body of believers to not close [abortion] facilities, but make them unnecessary. Make their lobbies empty. Make their tables empty because of the resources we provide to these folks…Change the conversation. ‘Why is this necessary for you and how can we come alongside you and support it?’...We as believers cannot take a monastic approach to this. We cannot sit in the background and not say anything about it.” (“Roe Overturned and Guns,” 1 July 22) 

I’m overwhelmed by the scope of this issue. I feel stuck, confused, and—more often than not—frozen. My hope is that as we try to navigate this shared bumpy road that we can listen with love and kindness. And my hope is that we can advocate for change that supports all of life—from the first heartbeat to the last—prioritizing the true flourishing of all.